There has been plenty of things that keep going in my mind lately and I'm just going to have to share it, and it depends on you whether you want to argue and give me new ways of thinking below in the comments. You're all welcome to comment out loud. Don't keep them thoughts to rot inside you! :)
What does a good relationship mean to you?
What do we need for a good relationship to form between humans?
Okay, maybe relationship this word is too wide a subject, so let us limit it to just friendships first and then to more if I have the time to complete this topic.
For some people, friendships are give and take. You only befriend a person that benefits you and in turn, you give them benefits.
This is not wrong, but the way of thinking in that kind of friendship is a little, crooked. If you only befriend people that benefit you, it means that you don't befriend people that don't benefit you. Then what are friends for? Aren't they supposed to be helping in times of need, and you will repay them when you're in a good situation?
Okay. So that thought needs some change. It becomes, you befriend people even if they aren't benefiting you, because who knows one day they can benefit you in some ways as a repay?
Now look at the previous pharagraph again. Do you realise something?
Yes. This is what they teach children nowadays in their bedtime stories. You help the fairy whose wings are torn (the fairy doesn't benefit you now) so that one day when you're drowning the fairy will wave her wand and save you (a repay).
But is that way of thinking right? This may be a good way of teaching children to be selfless, but it isn't exactly selfless. And because of these, friendships nowadays have problems because the meaning of selflessness that people perceive as the base of friendships isn't the true meaning of it.
The true meaning of selflessness is to help someone, anyone, without asking for any payback, without even wishing for payback.
That is one of the most important base to every friendship.
A good friendship also needs trust. When that trust is broken, the friendship would be also broken, and it would be very hard to be mended. But before you have trust, you need understanding and acceptance.
You need understanding in a friendship, but usually you don't see that. We cannot ever say that we understand someone, no matter what circumstance they are in because it would never ever be a hundred percent the same as our experience and most of the times, we don't even understand our own selves, so since when do we understand that other person? And even if they don't say it, I bet that the second we say we understand them, their inner voices would say, "No one will ever understand me."
Except God. God understands all. But we aren't talking about Him right now, so shush.
So what do we do if we can't understand our friends? We listen to them venting out their feelings and troubles, and we accept them as who they are. We shouldn't ever unfriend them or leave them just because "we don't understand each other". Instead, we should accept them, putting our trust in them, and continue helping them selflessly. Therefore, acceptance is a form of understanding.
One more thing, we shouldn't ever judge anyone in any friendship. This is because, when we judge them, our brain will give us negative feed backs. The distance between us and the other person will become further the more we judge, without us knowing. Besides, we never know when people are also judging us and it just might make the friendship even worse.
By accepting, it means accepting every single thing that is weird, nice and bad about our friends. Don't ever think of changing them. Change ourselves instead, change ourselves to accept them, and then nothing will be a problem, and nothing can stand a barrier between us and our friends.
For an example, I had a friend that was so talkative that he never did let anyone talk for any long periods of time. It was getting annoying and I would really have liked to ask him to change, and rebuke him and tell him about it, but hey, accept, right? So I didn't. And guess what? He eventually realised his mistake and he changes on his own.
Isn't it better to let friends change on their own rather than nagging them or thinking about their weird habits behind their back or even talking about it? Well, of course you can give a piece of advice, but always remember that we need not give too many. It might be the reason your friendship is ruined. You'll never know.
Maybe it's good for them to change, and they should change, yes, but even if they don't change, you should have already love them the way they are.
Be with them through all their troubles. Be their companion. Be there for them, even if they don't open up to you. Even if they don't care about you, you can always care about them behind the scenes. Remember, love doesn't need any paybacks. This is what we should all do for our friends, the meaning of a friend.
And only when the whole world understand this, friendships will be pure and true, with no lies and no betrayals.
The same goes with any relationships. Do the best you can for everyone. Only when you have done your best, you can leave this world without any regrets, saying that your love for people is pure. We do not need any appreciation even after we spend everything on people. We just need to do so, and be happy with it. It depends on people to decide whether to appreciate us, and we do not need to ask for it.
It is not wrong for people to appreciate each other, but it is a little wrong for people to want appreciation, even if you don't see it. You might say that after all the hard work you do, you deserve to be appreciated, but it is actually not for you to judge. Remember, if you truly deserve appreciation, you do not need to want it or wish for it or hope for it to have it, because you already have it, and always will have it.
This discussion is for people of every age.
